Scene: Satya the Bloggess and The Excellent Husband (TEH) are having their morning face-to-face cuddle. Satya has just showered and is all nice and fresh and clean. TEH has not yet showered, and will not until later in the afternoon, as he is soon to start a Skype call to participate in a role playing game in Calgary with his friends.
Satya: I like our morning hugs.
TEH: Me too.
Satya: Hmmm, oh, I can’t hug you right up. You pong. Phew!
TEH: That’s why I have clean clothes out for after my shower. It’s called being clean.
Satya: You still pong. Phew! Why are men so smelly?
Satya: That is NOT what is oozing out of you. More green tea, peppermint tea, better deodorant, anything!
TEH: You were the one who got me onto the salt crystal deodorant in the first place.
Satya: Moving along…. So, how’s life in your role playing game? You’ve all turned into superheroes? What’s your power? Killing people with your smell?
TEH (patient): Super strength.
Satya: Yeah, and we all know that strength is B.O. What are you in real life?
TEH: Private investigator.
Satya: Because that’s so normal. Why aren’t you a cleaner, or a waitress?
TEH: We’re in this for fantasy, not post-modernist literature that reveals grim everyday lives.
Satya: What are the others?
TEH: One’s a movie stuntman.
Satya: Like you’d find in any group of people. Go on.
TEH: There’s a waitress, and a homeless person, and a nurse.
Satya: That’s more likely. And you know each other how?
TEH: An amazing coincidence.
Satya: Shouldn’t the stuntman be in Hollywood?
TEH: The movie was filming in Vancouver, but got moved to Calgary because it’s less of a terror threat.
Satya: There are terrorists? Wait, they’re not Middle Eastern, are they? Tell me they’re not Middle Eastern. If they are, I’m coming over there with a big can of woop-arse for the lot of you rascist bastards.
TEH: We don’t know yet.
Satya: Can they be Australian terrorists? No wait, American terrorists…because there are obviously none of them in the world. Or New Zealand. Cook Islands! Yeah, some weeny country that just goes about its business. Swiss terrorists would be cool.
TEH (super patient): You should email our dungeon master.
Satya: I will, right after I finish our hug. But I think I need to go write all this down while it’s fresh. Because it’s totally a travel article – Journey Through A Marriage.
TEH: Uh huh.
Satya: You don’t mind?
TEH: No, because you’ll give me much better lines.
Satya scrambles off TEH’s lap to go open up her computer and write the conversation down, convinced she’s as cool and witty, and crazy as The Bloggess, and will be getting her book contract Real Soon Now.
TEH tides away the cushion and goes about testing Skype to make sure it’s working this morning.
Photo: Made for Marriage _ mike gnuckx